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And we're LIVE from the Palace of Danny Mac('s Mom and Dad). It's time for the Home Run Derby. I'm picking my boy Prince Fielder to win this just to rub it in that this is the first year I didn't draft him in Fantasy and he's suddenly busted out. 29 HR heading into the break, just 1 behind A-Rod. The last two years while on my Fantasy team I think he combined for 15 HR and 382 strikeouts. No hard feelings though.

Let's get it goin...

8:00 The Derby kicks off with the Counting Crows singing on the field. Apparently I just jumped back about 12 years and I'm at a Middle School dance. Counting Crows? Are you kidding me??

8:06 "From the St. Louis Cardinals...Albert 'Winnie the' Pujols." Thank you Boomer. I forgot how annoying you could be.

8:10 Boomer introduces Willie McCovey. The guy hit 527 HR and was considered one of the most feared hitters of his era. Sadly the only thing people know him for is having a body of water outside of a ballpark named after him. I wonder how long it will be before they rename it Bonds Bay.

8:11 How the hell does Joe Morgan keep getting invited to things?? No one has realized he is absolutely clueless?? I'd love to see Morgan vs. Kruk in a debate just for the sake of curiosity. Kruk would predict Dan Haren to win 47 games in one season and Morgan would just keep repeating that winning is important to a ballclub.

8:13 Kenny Mayne is in a kayak in McCovey Cove with a mic and a helmet cam. This will be hysterical. No doubt this guy is the most entertaining ESPN anchor in history. On a quick side note, I read today that Dan Patrick is leaving ESPN.

8:15 Berman, Dusty Baker, and Joe Morgan are the announcers. I'm speechless...Kenny Mayne needs to save this thing.

ROUND 1:

8:19 "Back back back back back back back back GONE." First one of many tonight. I just had an aneurysm. Morneau just got on the board with one to right-center.

8:23 A weak 4 from Morneau. His night is over.

8:27 Mark it on your calendars folks: David Beckham arrives July 21. I can't even tell you the level of excitement I am at. This may be the most anticipated moment in American sports history. WOOOOOO! Feeling good about that one.

8:29 Karl Ravech: "Let's go back to Chris Berman"

DAMMIT KARL WHY?????

8:32 Matt Holliday put on a show early. Longest bomb was 462. Buuuuut he only finished with 5. He's done too.

8:37 Barry Bonds interview with Peter Gammons. They talk about Hank Aaron and Bud Selig choosing not to attend the game when Bonds will break 755. Bonds says he has no problem with Aaron missing and in so many words tells Selig to screw. You know something I agree with Barry here. This is going to be one of, if not the biggest moments in sports history. Selig absolutely should be there. Good job Barry, way to put the Commish in his place. Meanwhile, Magglio Ordonez just choked and ended with 2. So long Maggs. Looks like Holliday might actually have a shot at round 2 after all. And I'm happy with that, he was putting on a show when he started out.

8:45 "The Bronx is Burning" debuts tonight at 10pm. I might give that a shot. Can't wait til 2027 when they do a mini-series on the 2007 Yankees where Vin Diesel plays A-Rod and Chyna plays his mistress. Pujols is up. This should be a clinic.

8:49 Speaking of A-Rod he's now commentating. Fantastic. I wish Remy was one of the announces for this because you KNOW he would ask A-Rod how it felt to throw a slap at Bronson Arroyo, then 2 years later try to be a tough guy by trying to take out Pedroia, a guy 1/3 his size, with an elbow at 2nd base.

8:50 "Winnie the" Pujols finishes with 4. This has been a pretty lackluster Derby. Someone needs to step up and do some damage. Where's Wily Mo when you need him?

8:58 They just showed Bonds and A-Rod hanging out laughing. That musta been a great conversation. I can hear them trading "no way dude they hate me way more than you" stories. Maybe something like:

Bonds: Dude, come on. Steroids. You're an amateur.
A-Rod: Bro, I ran to first base and slapped a guy on the wrist to knock the ball out of his hand during an ALCS game.
Bonds: Yea, but steroids, man. No contest.
A-Rod: I got caught cheating on my wife with a chick that has the same build as you did at the peak of your 'roids cycle.
Bonds: Touche.

9:02 Wow, I missed most of Rios and he finished tied with Holliday for the lead at 5. This is way too uneventful. Prince is stepping into the box now. Here comes a show. Heads up kayakers, Fielder is on a mission to piss me off more and more for not landing him on my Fantasy team. I know none of these HR's count for anything, but I am fully convinced Prince is out to break my heart every chance he gets.

9:05 This always bothers me. If you were one of the kids in the outfield during the Derby wouldn't you be laying out for everything? This is your one chance to get some serious TV time. I would be going after everything. Put me in the outfield for the 2008 Derby I guarantee I could end up getting signed by the Devil Rays.

9:07 "I really like your friend." It had to be said. Also, just a quick side note. It is after 9pm on a Monday night and I am not even the least bit tempted to turn the channel to Monday Night Raw. 2 weeks and counting with no wrestling. I feel like a new man. And while I was pointing that out, Fielder just put one into the Cove and caused a guy to flip over. I'm remembering a certain Sports Hub author flipping a canoe up in Maine a couple weeks ago. Hint: it wasn't me. No seriously it wasn't.

9:10 Great, Prince continues his mission to screw me over by finishing the 1st round with 3 HR, all but guaranteeing that he's done for the night. I swear to God this guy's sole purpose in life is to make me look like an ass. If I ever see him in person you can bet every dollar you have that I will be throwing him in the Cobra Clutch.

9:12 Vlad is in the box. Please for the love of everything that is holy hit more than 5 HR. This is getting absolutely ridiculous.

9:14 David Ortiz brings Vlad a case with another bat. Is there a cooler guy on the planet than Big Papi?? Vlad finishes with 5. Round 2 as of right now is Vlad, Holliday, and Rios. Ryan Howard steps up next.

9:20 Seems like a good time to bring this up. I read an article at ESPN.com today about how to improve the HR Derby. Let's focus on the aluminum bat idea brought up by David Wright because that is absolutely brilliant. Imagine putting a metal bat in Vlad's hands? I feel like he would rattle of enough HRs to break Bonds' single season record of 73 in one round. His average distance would be about 617 feet. The only drawback is that they Derby would take a lot longer because they would have to bring in paramedics to remove at least 10 dead bodies from the bleachers with cause of death "Vlad Guerrero Liner."

9:29 Howard finishes the 1st round with 3. So long defending champ. Thanks for making the trip. I'm hereby starting a petition to hold the HR Derby at Coors Field next year. I don't care where the All-Star game is, please move the Derby to Coors. If I have to watch a 1st round like this again I might snap. Tie-breaker coming up between Morneau and Pujols for the final spot in the 2nd round. 5 swings each.

9:32 Morneau just almost killed an 8 year old who wasn't paying attention in right field. As sick as this is, that easily would have been the highlight of the night. Morneau finishes with 1. No doubt Pujols beats this.

9:34 2 swings from Albert and Morneau gets sent packing. The last one from "Winnie the" went 469 feet. WMP coulda hit one further than that, no doubt.

9:41 I'd like to re-think something I said earlier. Kenny Mayne is equally as cool as Big Papi. He's the only one though. Round 2 starts with Holliday.

9:44 Holliday just hit one 475 ft. I'll admit it, I thought the only reason people thought he was good was because he played in Colorado at Coors. I was wrong this guy has some serious pop. Also, Dusty Baker just asked Berman why he didn't do the "back back back...(12 more times)" thing for one of Holliday's HRs. Dusty, why the hell would you encourage him?? Aaaaaand Holliday just put one out of the stadium. WOW.

9:48 Holliday puts up 8 in the 2nd round. Finally, someone does something interesting. 5 HR over 450 ft tonight for Holliday. I have to say, he is the last one of this group I would have picked to win this thing, but the way he is swinging he's gonna be tough to beat. Here comes Rios for his 2nd turn.

9:58 I completely stopped paying attention for 10 minutes and missed the most exciting part of the Derby Rios just rattled off 12 HR. Perfect. I space out for 10 minutes and miss the highlight of the Derby so far. Unless Vlad goes crazy it looks like the 2 least likely competitors will be the finalists. Unreal.

10:14 Vlad has been on a roll with 3 outs left. He needs one to force a tie-breaker for the finals. AND VLAD TIES IT UP!!

10:15 Vlad just destroyed one. He almost hit the giant glove in deep left. 503 feet. Unbelievable. So long Matt Holliday. You can't be upset about this. You knew Vlad had to do something special as soon as Papi gave him the special bat. This proves once again. Ortiz is all that is man.

10:22 They check in with Kenny Mayne. He's out of the water. I have to say this is the biggest disappointment of the night. Kenny Mayne in McCovey Cove had potential to be the most entertaining 2+ hours in television history. So in the last 2 years ESPN has blown this night, fired Harold Reynolds and given John Kruk free reign, hired Fernando Vina and Tino Martinez, and allowed Joe Morgan to stay on tv. ESPN needs to hire a new Program Manager. They need to re-do Dream Job and hire a whole new cast, but keep the guy that does the Johnny Drama "VICTORY" chant on walk-off homers.

10:33 Pujols just put on a show. Rattled off 9 HR, not quite enough to advance. Definitely brought the crowd back into it though. Guerrero vs. Rios in the finals. Not exactly Balboa vs. Creed II, but should be interesting. I actually expect this to be like Drago vs. Creed. Guerrero needs to absolutely dominate this thing. If the last 4 Derby winners end up being Garrett Anderson, Bobby Abreu, Ryan Howard (wasn't quite a superstar when he won, but was on the cusp) and Alex Rios they need to seriously look into the metal bats idea.

10:40 That song by Dropkick Murphy's from The Departed is playing in the background. Apparently in the finals you have to face Papelbon. Good luck boys you're not even getting the ball outta the infield if thats the case. (Can someone please tell me the name of that song?)

10:42 Just when you thought this Derby couldn't get any worse, they're doing an interview with Vlad in Spanish with the interviewer acting as translator as well. Guys, either splurge the extra cash for an actual translator or interview someone else. That was ridiculous.

10:45 Rios puts up 2 HR in the finals. Pretty sure Vlad is a lock at this point. Thankfully this year the winner is finally a guy thats one of the 5 best players in the game. If we had a Garrett Anderson repeat with Rios winning I was gonna start looking into MLS. I hear David Beckham arrives July 21. Save the date boys and girls.

10:51 I think they should handicap Vlad to make it interesting. He only gets 5 outs, has to swing with his hands in a reverse grip, and only balls that land in the Cove count.

10:53 Vlad's posse if 8 Dominican teens mob him at the plate when he ties Rios. Here comes a torn bicep for Vlad just to complete the full jinx. Apparently the posse is his brothers.

10:56 Vlad wraps this thing up with a shot to left field. He does the patented Manny "hit the ball, drop the bat, drop your head and walk away" move. Ballgame.


Alright the Derby is out of the way, and the All-Star game is coming Tuesday night. Me and Greech promised a midyear review of the Sox and it WILL happen. It's just a matter of when. Hopefully we'll get together and get this thing done. We had some preliminary discussions about it, it's just a matter of getting it in writing. Stay tuned, and as always feel free to say what up at thesportshub@blogspot.com.